I guess this is labeled "Woman to Woman" because that's what I most desire from this blog, woman to woman talks about what each of us are going through. It's not easy being a woman sometimes and especially when you're a wife. I am in need of desperate woman encouragement and maybe this blog spot will bring about women.
Me and James are doing great, don't panic. One thing God is trying to teach me, though, is my lack of respect towards James. In my mind I think, "Of course I respect him! I respect him more than anyone else!" but my actions don't show that. A man needs respect and, therefore, knows how to give respect but a woman needs love and, therefore knows how to give love. Each person, man and woman, needs to learn the opposite of what they desire. Am I making any sense? right now I'm learning how to show respect. James put it very clearly for me the other morning in our devotions. He turned to Ephesians and was talking about Christ and the church. I've always heard about that example compared with marriage but I only understood some aspects. He asked me how God would ever receive respect if the church read his word and always questioned why? and how? and I thought you said this? I have a terrible habit of doing that with James. He ask me to do something and I question him on it. God loves it when Christians follow him with a joyful heart and obey him. Yeah, he's perfect so he can take all the questionings but it's not his favorite i bet. Same with men. If I constantly question James on everything he ask me to do, how will he see respect. It's a frustrating concept but I understand it and I'm working on it.
I want to learn more from God and other women about how to glorify God with this awesome new role i have as a wife. I want being a wife to be my ministry in a sense. If I can't minister to my husband as a wife how can I ever minister in other ways.
I don't know how this whole blogging thing works but I'm going to learn. Sorry if my post are boring or I'm rambling. I'm no good with words. Just thinking out loud on here. Just trying to learn and grow.
-Devan Draper
So I have this great book that I read awhile back that is pretty radical, but it works. It's called "Learning to be his Help Meet" by Debbie Pearl. It talks about exactly what you wrote about, and is really challenging. It makes some women, including me, angry because it is so radical. After I blew off some steam and really thought about what it said, it did make sense. I'm not married...obviously, so I have no advice for you about what you are going through. But I read marriage books when I get a chance and that one really changed the way I think about how it works. Hope this helps!
ReplyDeleteDevan, that makes perfect sense. I feel like you are way more mature than me! haha I have a similar problem with Whitney...mine is not so much repectful but more like being bossy! Us Steelman women have a bossy gene that runs deep in our veins, so of course my excuse is that i can't help it....but i know that's no excuse. I lived at home with a bossy mom for my whole life, now i work with a bossy older sister, and i dont really get a chance to get to be bossy but when i get home it's so easy to tell whitney what to do! he's so loving and so willing to do anything for me and i often take advantage of that (most of the time unknowingly!). It's not until he points it out to me that i realize that i have been doing it. I've set a personal goal to be more conscious (spelling?) of this and be a better, loving wife and not so demanding and pushy. when you become a wife you start finding out a whole lot about yourself that you never knew! haha i'm so blessed to have such a good husband and a great family ;) good blog...i enjoyed reading it
ReplyDeleteWhew! It is definitely a work in progress...a process...this love/respect thing! I was offended when I first heard that my husband needed my respect and that the way I was loving him was not what he needed...but it is the way we were created. It really isn't even about us...it is about the beautiful reflection of Christ and His church. Christ is the head of the Church and the man is the head of his wife. But, wow! The curse back in Eden for us to desire to rule over our husbands is so evident in our lives today and just when we think we are making some progress....it creeps up AGAIN! I am learning that submitting does not mean that my opinion doesn't matter or isn't important, but that "laying my cards on the table and taking my hands off" is saying YES! to my Savior above anything else! It is alot to chew on...but a sweet offering to my Lord as I confess my sin of pride and ask for His strength to be the woman that He would have me to be. When I say yes to Christ...I honor my husband with the respect that he needs and so desires..and when I respect him, he responds in love back to me...but even if he doesn't, I am still commanded to respect him....and that isn't easy or natural...but it all comes back to my relationship with Christ....:)...the cycle of sanctification is not easy but glorious!
ReplyDeletehmmmm lets see...not sure right now on the advice i can or could give you on marriage other than it is a learning, growing, loving, challenging, fantastic thing that happens each and every day that you work at some days you wake up and you may not want to work at it all but you know that is not what God wants for you to have that attitude so you try to listen to listen to God thru the confusion that you may feel at the time. There are days that marriage comes so easy so blissful and those days are the ones that you remember during the days that may come hard, as you are married you will grow up and the marriage has to grow in the maturity too and the respect and trust will grow as well, men are different from women that is for sure and i guess one of my favorite books that i read that helped me is The Five Languages to learn mine as well as learn Gregs. Loving and Respecting your spouse is a unselfish thing you choose to do and that is love is being unselfish putting someone elses needs above your own in love with no strings attached.
ReplyDeletei think of what i fear the most if i could say i fear something ..even though i know God doesnt give us a spirit of fear....
but i think
CONFLICT, MISUNDERSTANDING, SEVERED RELATIONSHIPS ..LOSING SOMEBODY BECAUSE OF HURT FEELINGS OR IRRECONILABLE DIFFERENCES.
Nothing causes me more anxiety. I am sometimes haunted by every friend/relationship I have ever lost and spent a great deal of my life trying to make sure things of that kind do not happen again and again.
I do have a large family that i know i feel the tremors when someone falls out of that circle of love that family and friends are to be in. I try to do my best a lot of nuturing to keep that family/friend circle happy and healthy, but of course i have to realize that there are always going to be problems to work thru and to over come i am only human ..we are only human. But nothing breaks my heart more and nothing causes me more distress than severed relationships.
I want Christ to lead me in my life to build strong healthy relationships and to know that we are different and that is what makes us unique and women do have a special place in Gods heart and he knows we are a loving creature he created and he will supply our needs and he blesses the one that steps out onto faith to follow him and his will and seeks his heart desires instead of their own.
Devan,
ReplyDeleteThank you for the privilege of reading your thoughts. It is so encouraging to see that you are "pursing righteousness, faith, love and peace" as 2Timothy 2 tells us to do...what a great book to read and meditate upon!
I, too, share your passion on this topic. Marriage. It is so very deep, it's difficult to write a short response. I will try. In my 13 years (this Aug 2nd!)of marriage, God has graciously taught me some difficult lessons. Today, I am practicing what he has taught me, but it does not come easily or naturally. I think that is why God tell us to meditate on His Word day and night (Psalm 1). We are prone to wonder~wonder from the truths we have been taught and prone to wonder from our Good Shepherd. Respecting my husband is not possible to do on my own~a reminder of my desperate need for a Savior. I need Him daily. Memorizing scripture and letting go of my plan and my expectations are crucial.
Isn't it good to know that we are not alone? We will all struggle with the same curse~some call it bossy, some call it manipulative or controlling. God's Word calls it a desire to rule over your husband. Submission is the complete opposite of our natural desire and the message of the world. We are in desperate need for TRUTH. It is what renews our minds and sets us free. May each of us meditate on it day and night and write it on our hearts (memorize it)!