I know sometimes the pausing of thoughts is very needed but that's not right now for me. So I'm going to think out loud, that's what this is for anyways, right?
I have to be honest and say that my blood gets hot and my eyes fill up with tears when I hear of "love" and marriages ending. It really brings this physical pain to my body. My heart breaks and my mind starts wondering, "what happened?" "What could have been changed to avoid this?" "What got so hard that quitting seemed so beautiful and easier than sticking it out?" I can't imagine. I know some may read this and remind me that I haven't been married long enough to understand, I have no clue right now, I'm too young. Some may even read this and be offended and I'll apologize now for offending you, it was never my intentions but I'm not sorry for the truth and my passionate opinion that is about to be typed.
LOVE IS NOT A FEELING PEOPLE!!! Wake up and smell the coffee. Women, if we lived off of our emotions and feelings everyday then one day we'd be guzzling alcohol and smoking packs of cigarettes and the next day we'd be training for a marathon because we wanted to be a health nut. That's how "here and there" we are with our emotions and feelings. Each day is different. I don't know one girl who can honestly say, "Yes, I wake up in the same consistent mood/feelings daily." It just isn't who we are as females, even males for that matter. So this being said, it makes it OBVIOUS that we should never live by our feelings which makes it even truer that we shouldn't LOVE by our feelings because the relationships in our life would be off and on every other day. It's just the truth people!
This gets me to the point of the matter that LOVE IS A CHOICE! You have to wake up and CHOOSE to sacrifice for that person, CHOOSE to LOVE that person, CHOOSE to be patient with that person, CHOOSE to go to bed with that person every night, CHOOSE to stick it through the arguments with that person. I don't have to be married 15 years to be able to understand how hard that is. I'M AN IMPERFECT HUMAN just like everyone else and loving someone self-LESS-ly does NOT come natural to me. It's hard sometimes to CHOOSE to love James when we're not seeing eye to eye or when an argument looks like it'll never have an end. IT'S HARD but I made a promise to love no matter what comes our way. TILL DEATH DO US PART! It's not a figure of speech. That promise is literal and people seem to take it as a fairytale promise. Couples these days seem to say the promise and in their minds be thinking, "But if he does this, this, or this...I'm gone." and they say their vows with their fingers crossed.
It's really hard for me to get my point and passion across in a blog but I hope people understand where my heart is coming from. We say we believe in God, we call ourselves Christians but we look just like the world. We have no grace like Christ and you better not even mention mercy in our marriages and relationships. Forgiveness? They don't deserve it! Consideration? Patience? Self-LESS-ness? He doesn't think of me before himself, why should I think of him before me?!
We don't deserve GRACE!!! We don't deserve MERCY!!! We don't deserve FORGIVENESS!!! We don't deserve this crazy awesome UNCONDITIONAL, SELF-LESS LOVE!!!! People, GOD GIVES IT ANYWAYS!!!!!! He always has, He always will. You want to know why? BECAUSE HE MADE A VOW TO US! Because he CHOOSES TO! Why? Heck if I know! I don't understand why a perfect God wants to put up with a sinful, messy human like me but HE DOES!!! DO YOU GET IT?! DO YOU UNDERSTAND!? The whole reason he created marriage, the only reason he created marriage was to show the world that right there! To show the world the grace, mercy, forgiveness, and love that he has for the church! And what are we showing the world?! That because we are not having our needs met and because it just gets too hard and too tiring it's okay to say I'm done.
It hurts to see marriages end. It hurts to see families broken up and family members taking sides. It hurts to see hate and anger and straight up grudges and bitterness out of PURE IGNORANCE.
This is something that really brings anger out of me. Really gets my passion boiling. Ladies, I encourage you in this blog to CHOOSE to love your husbands even when they are lousy. Because you're lousy sometimes towards Christ but He still loves you. I encourage you to stick it out when it seems impossible. Remind yourself of the vows you made and remind yourself that the words you promised were literal. Remember that when you promised them, your hands were in his and not behind your back with crossed fingers. I encourage you not to live by your feelings and emotions, not saying their horrible to have, just horrible to decide every action with.
Vowing to CHOOSE to love,
Mrs. Draper
Devan, this is probably the most i've read in 5 years haha! literally...we listen to audio books so that doesnt really count as reading in my opinion and the last time i actually physically made my eyes look at something besides a random email it was in college! haha so glad i took the time to read it though. Once again you have amazed me...that sweet sweet heart of yours! our preacher once said if you ever get accused of being a christian may there be enough evidence to prove it...and well you continue to prove it over and over and not only that but inspire others through your faith.
ReplyDeleteI think a lot of people end in divorce because they choose the wrong people to be with. I dated a boy 7 years who I wanted to be with and marry...but in the end what I wanted and what God wanted was 2 different things. when i met Whitney i knew that this was who God wanted me to meet and be with forever and i literally felt like i had dodged a bullet with the old bf. I don't know where i'd be if i hadn't listed to God and let him lead me in the right direction. i know one thing though and that's that i'd be miserable and in a verbally abusive and far from a healthy Christian relationship.
I honestly feel sad for those people who were in my shoes. The people who chose to do what THEY wanted not what HE wanted for them. how hard it must be to try to love someone who probably isn't the nicest or most Christian person....who doesnt see eye to eye with you....who doesnt have your best interests in mind. Not saying all divorced relationships are like this, but mine was for sure. It was so depressing. How lucky i am to have a husband to puts my interests and well being before his own, who sees things EXACTLY as i do, and who is literally my best friend and other half. of course it's easy for me to love him....its no challenge, but those poor people who arent as lucky to have a partner like mine...or yours! I'm sure it is very difficult for them to choose to hold on and keep loving them when they are so discouraged. may this post bring those people hope and inspire them to put forth the effort to stick it out rather than give up. we are among the few who have it easy ;)
That's so true! So many people mess up when they go into a marriage not seeking the Lord's will and end up in a huge mess. If any women read this who are like that this is encouragement for you:
ReplyDelete"Wives, in the same way be submissive to your husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives, when they see the purity and reverence of your lives." 1 Peter 3:1-2
I love what your pastor said about being accused of being a Christian. That's so awesome!
I'm glad that you realized that other bf was not who God intended you to be with. I've never been in a SUPER long terrible relationship like that but I have had a serious relationship before where I KNEW God was saying no when I was saying yes. It was hard but His will has turned out to be so much better than my own and it seems to be true for you too!
I'm so glad you found Whitney and he found you. I love you being in the family. You fit right in :)
Devan ....WOW....that is all right now ....
ReplyDeleteok ...i am amazed at not only seeing my baby girl my daughter being such a awesome wife but just growing and maturing in the Lord and what he has in store for you and your marriage.
i loved the scenario of the women if we went by our emotions how we would be drinking alcohol and smoking cigarettes one day and then the next being a health nut in so many words...that made me laugh because that is so true...
it is so true that women are the emotional ones in the relationships that is how God made us ...however let me say a little more on that subject...
women are the ones that set the tone of the house ...notice i didn't say head of house but yes we set the tone of the house with our spouse, children, guest etc...
you know that saying "IF MOMMA AIN'T HAPPY, AIN'T NO BODY HAPPY"
that is true ...it is up to the mother, the wife, the hostess to set the tone ...is it going to be a BAD DAY ...BAD HOUR OR SO OR BAD LIFE ...fill in the blank...
i know i am guilty of being in a bad mood but does that mean i need to share that with everyone in the house and make them miserable ..another saying is Misery Loves Company....
notice when people don't want to be happy they are generally drawn to others that are not happy that are just as negative as they are because they do not want to see the good ...or could it be THEY DO NOT WANT TO SEE THE TRUTH?
I ran from a lot in my past,some of what i didn't even know i was running from, i tried to live my life at times as straddling the fence, having one foot on the Godly side of the fence if you want to say that and the other foot on the other side of my way
doesn't work well that way at all either it just makes you sick, it makes you physically and mentally sick.
i agree even though i know i have been divorced i agree with you 100% that when you go into a marriage you should never be thinking if this doesn't work out or if he the spouse whether the wife or husband which ever that when the giddiness is gone then you are gone that you have to be on that constant high of the first part of falling in love...that is a fantastic feeling during that time and you should never let that go however you have to grow within your relationship and just as all relationships there will be hard times. Being a parent is not easy but you still remain a parent and being a sibling isn't all that easy but you still remain, being best friends is not easy but you see people everyday say how many years they have been best friends, why should it be any different in our marriages? Satan gets his foot in the door of a marriage and i one of the partners do not realize it then it can go down quickly, if one partner does realize it then they should be in on their knees in prayer daily for God to move in their marriage to restore, to rebuild, to bring to love again, to bring to the commitment they made.
ReplyDeletewhen people start to struggle in their marriage then i think before they act on the thoughts of leaving, separation, living apart, or divorce they should step back and seek all resources on why to stay, on why to fight, i can think of the movie Fireproof wow what a powerful analogy of a Christ not walking out on us when we have not respected him, how we have not loved him, how we have not talked to him, how we have not sought after him, but he still loves us just as you said but we as humans we want to complain about our spouses, ...how they never talk to us, how they never show us love anymore, how they don't respect us anymore, how they have grown apart from us and we never look at that as how we have lived our lives away from God and he never leaves......that song by Casting Crowns right now "IF WE'VE EVER NEEDED YOU, LORD IT'S NOW" that is the approach we should have in our daily lives especially when the devil is doing everything he can to move in slowly hoping not to be noticed while he seeks to break down the family ...he knows if he can break the family that more than likely the circle will never break that the family will continue to break down thru out generations...i pray for each and everyone of my kids that they will never ever ever experience the heartache of divorce in their marriages in my grand childrens lives i pray that every day...i am so proud of you and Brannigan and how you love your husbands and love the lord first because when you love the lord first then he will bring happiness we just have to trust....
this as you can tell is something very close to my own heart ...i try to witness and try to encourage anyone that i know that may be going thru a hard time in marriage or relationships to hang on, i never want to see anyone or any family go thru the pain of what divorce causes it is life long consequence that never ends even when all are grown up their is still the consequences that linger on and on for a lifetime ...i will say this and end from being so long winded.....
part of the lyrics from Casting Crown song i was talking about is ......
"HEAR OUR CRY, LORD WE PRAY, HEADS ARE BOWED, HANDS ARE RAISED, YOU'VE CALLED US OUT , WE'VE TURNED AWAY, WE'VE TURNED AWAY....
IF WE'VE EVER NEEDED YOU, LORD IT'S NOW
WE ARE DESPERATE FOR YOUR HAND, REACHING OUT
WE SHIPWRECKED FAITH, THE IDOLS RISE, WE DO WHAT IS RIGHT IN OUR OWN EYES....OUR CHILDREN NOW WILL PAY THE PRICE...WE NEED YOUR LIGHT ..LORD SHINE YOUR LIGHT,
IF WE EVER NEEDED YOU, LORD IT'S NOW ...LORD IT'S NOW....
that is my prayer for anyone that is feeling in the dark of despair that there is no other way out of the turmoil of a relationship that they will cry out to the lord and ask him to tell him that they THEY need him now ...
Great blog Devan keep it coming...i enjoy and i learn from you as well ...i love you dearly
mom